Not all managers are great at mentorship or giving feedback. It’s just a fact.

Your manager might be fantastic in other areas—like clearing roadblocks, building a great team culture, or fighting for your priorities. But when it comes to guiding your career or giving thoughtful feedback, they might drop the ball.

If you’re someone who values mentorship or clear, actionable feedback, this can be really frustrating. It can even make you doubt yourself or feel stuck in your role. But here’s the truth: mentorship and feedback are critical for growth, and you don’t have to depend solely on your manager to get them.

Here’s how to take control of your development when your manager isn’t meeting your mentorship needs.

We’ve all been there. You need advice, and a former mentor or coworker pops into your mind.

But then the doubt creeps in: “Will they think I’m annoying if I reach out?”

Let me clear this up right away—no, it’s not annoying. In fact, most people appreciate it. Reaching out is a form of networking, and when done thoughtfully, it strengthens relationships and opens doors. Let’s dive into why this fear is unfounded and how to confidently send that message.

I used to be very, very… very polite.

In my first year at my job, I decided to invite my mentor and his wife over for dinner.

“Would you and your wife be willing to come over for dinner? If it’s not too much trouble?”

His response? “You make it sound like coming over for dinner is a terrible thing.”

(They did come over, by the way.)

That moment stuck with me. It taught me an important lesson: Your phrasing matters.