Not all managers are great at mentorship or giving feedback. It’s just a fact.

Your manager might be fantastic in other areas—like clearing roadblocks, building a great team culture, or fighting for your priorities. But when it comes to guiding your career or giving thoughtful feedback, they might drop the ball.

If you’re someone who values mentorship or clear, actionable feedback, this can be really frustrating. It can even make you doubt yourself or feel stuck in your role. But here’s the truth: mentorship and feedback are critical for growth, and you don’t have to depend solely on your manager to get them.

Here’s how to take control of your development when your manager isn’t meeting your mentorship needs.

1. Find Mentorship Elsewhere

Your manager isn’t your only source of guidance. Look around for other people who can support your growth.

• Peers: Senior colleagues on your team or in your company may be happy to share their knowledge. Start by asking for advice on a specific topic or project.
• Industry contacts: Reach out to people you admire in your network. You might be surprised how many professionals are willing to share their experience if you ask for a quick coffee chat.
• Formal programs: Join mentorship programs in your company or industry. Many organizations have initiatives specifically designed to connect employees with mentors.

The key is to broaden your network so you’re not relying on one person for all your professional growth.

2. Ask for Specific Feedback

Some managers struggle with feedback because they don’t know how to deliver it or aren’t sure what you’re looking for. You can make it easier for them by being specific in your requests.

Instead of asking, “How do you think I’m doing?” try something like:

• “What’s one thing I could improve in this presentation?”
• “Was there anything I missed in that project handoff?”
• “Do you think I could have handled that client conversation differently?”

These targeted questions make it simpler for your manager to give useful, actionable feedback.

3. Ask Multiple Times

One mistake I’ve seen people make is asking for feedback once, not getting anything useful, and giving up.

Give it a second try, or a third. Your manager—or coworker—is busy too, and you may be doing well enough that they need to be actively trying to come up with feedback.

By asking multiple times in different ways, you increase the chances of getting meaningful insights that can help you grow.

4. Take Charge of Your Growth

If mentorship isn’t coming from your manager, take ownership of your career development. Set clear goals for yourself and track your progress.

For example:

• Identify specific skills you want to improve and find resources (like courses or books) to help.
• Keep a record of your accomplishments and share them with your manager during check-ins.
• Proactively seek out opportunities for growth, like leading a project or volunteering for a cross-functional initiative.

Taking the lead on your own development shows initiative, and it helps your manager see where they can support you—even if mentorship isn’t their strength.

5. Consider Professional Coaching

Sometimes, the best solution is to invest in external support. A coach can help you clarify your goals, navigate challenges, and build confidence in your skills.

Unlike a manager, a coach is entirely focused on you and your growth. They can provide the personalized guidance and accountability you might not get elsewhere.

And just for the record, I’m not not saying this just because I’m a career coach for women in tech – although I am and I’ve helped numerous women with this exact issue. I personally have worked with multiple career coaches over the past 10 years and that support helped get me where I am today, both as a lead software engineer and as a confident fulfilled employee.

If you’re feeling stuck, coaching can be a game-changer for your career.

6. Remember, It’s Not All on Your Manager

It’s easy to feel disappointed or even resentful when your manager isn’t great at feedback or mentorship. But remember, your manager’s role is to support your work—not necessarily to guide your career.

By taking proactive steps to find mentorship and prioritize your growth, you can build a strong support system and keep progressing, regardless of your manager’s strengths or weaknesses.

Final Thoughts

It can feel disheartening when your manager doesn’t provide the mentorship or feedback you need, but you have the tools to take control of your development.

Expand your network. Ask specific questions. Take ownership of your growth. And if you need more support, invest in coaching or other resources.

Your career is yours to shape, and you don’t have to let one person’s limitations hold you back.

How have you navigated challenges with feedback or mentorship at work? I’d love to hear your thoughts!