A client of mine recently shared something that broke my heart a little.
“No one takes me seriously at work. It feels like the whole system is against me. Like it’s always going to be this way.”
She wasn’t being dramatic—she was genuinely stuck in a painful moment.
She had great ideas. She cared about code quality and long-term impact.
But every suggestion she made was ignored or dismissed. She felt invisible. And worse, like it would always be this way.
Her explanation?
“It’s sexism. And nothing I do will change it.”
Maybe that’s true. There’s no denying that gender bias in tech is real, and that some work environments are toxic or dismissive by default.
But here’s what I gently offered in response:
You get to choose the story you tell yourself.
You can’t read your coworkers’ minds.
You can’t predict the future.
And that means you can’t know for sure what’s driving their reactions—or what might change with time.
And the story you tell yourself? It shapes everything.
It shapes your mood. Your energy. What options feel possible. How you show up in meetings. Whether you advocate for yourself or slowly stop trying.
My client’s story made her feel hopeless. Powerless. Like there was nothing she could do.
So I offered her another version. Not a sugar-coated one. But a version that made room for hope and action.
“You’re still relatively new at this company,” I said.
“Your coworkers are used to doing things their way. They’re not as up-to-date as you are on modern design patterns or clean architecture.
You haven’t yet built up the credibility you need for them to listen—but that doesn’t mean you can’t.
You can be the woman they underestimated.
The one they didn’t listen to at first.
The one who got better at explaining herself, learned how to navigate the team dynamics, and made them better engineers by refusing to disappear.”
That version? It’s not wishful thinking.
It’s a story that leaves room for hope and for action.
It’s a reminder that your internal narrative isn’t just a reflection of reality—it helps shape it.
So, if your current story is making you feel stuck…
What’s another version that might help you feel a little more powerful?
Wishing you a career full of narratives that help you grow and succeed, regardless of your situation.
with joy, Rachel
p.s. If this was helpful and you’d like to chat with me more, schedule a consultation call! Whether or not you decide you’re interested in investing in career coaching I’ll make sure you leave with action steps to build a career you love.
